Cancer
by MyMutantRomance
Summary: Dr. Leonard McCoy is diagnosed with cancer, giving Jim the strenght to finally make his move. Warning: Character death
1. Chapter 1

Cancer. 6 simple letters that at one time meant you were either born between June 21 and July 22 or death was watching over you, ever vigilant. Waiting for the last shaky breath to escape your withered body. But lets not get carried away here, this isn't the year 2000, wars aren't fought over petty things like oil or drugs, the phrase 'totally dude' no longer passes the lips of adolescents, and cancer, well cancer is far from a death sentence. The treatment's still the same. Chemo. The hair loss, still there too.

People always told Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy he had a cynical look at life. But can you blame him? With a hellion of an ex-wife, multiple phobias, and having no where else left in this world but outer space! Space for christ sake! The only thing he had left were his bones, and even they were playing wicked nasty games on him these days. Bone cancer. The irony alone almost killed him.

He rubbed a rough hand across his tired eyes, his whole being ached. Stacks and stacks of PADDs mocked him from the corner of his desk. Why'd he have to became a damn doctor, huh? Half the time your watching you shipmates and even yourself dying and the other half your filling out paper work about it. He needed a warm bed or maybe a glass of Jack Daniels, because there was never a job his good old pal Jack couldn't handle. A soft knock at the door got his attention.

"Bones?" His captain and long time friend, James T. Kirk, stood in the doorway. He shifted nervously from foot to foot. It was a little over 3 months since Bones' diagnosis had come back. He kept it secret as long as he could but it's kinda hard to explain away sudden hair loss to the one person who could kick your ass in a poker game cause he can read your face better than you or maybe your own mother. "You got a minute?"

Dumb question. All Bones has is time. "For you Jim," He tries to force a smile and as usual it comes out more as a grimace, "I have all damn year. What'd you need?" Jim tries to appear casual, too casual for Bones liking. "Out with it Jim, I'm not exactly high on patience today. You got something to say please just say it." A familiar grin lightened Jim's features.

"You may have lost your hair, Bonesy but you still got that winning personality of yours." Jim's smiled disappeared as he his friend attempts to run his fingers absentmindedly through his hair. He looked almost embarrassed when he realized there was almost nothing left to run through. Kirk diverted his eyes as he felt that familiar tightness in his chest. The one he felt every time he had to see Bones struggle to get out of his chair, or shuffle down the hallways at an alarmingly slow pace. "How you feeling today Bones?" He found it impossible to keep the worry from his voice.

"Me, Jim? I feel great, about ready to start training for a few marathons." Sarcasm laced his every word and he could have just kicked himself. What was he doing? This was Jim he was talking to not the pointy eared hobgoblin or the Russian whiz kid. "I'm sorry." he mutters.

Jim pushes himself away from the doorframe and takes a seat on the desk right in front of where Dr. McCoy is sitting. 'Nah, don't worry about it." he whispers. His pale blue eyes sparkle with affection as he reaches down to stroke the pads of his fingers across he older friends cheekbones.

"Jim?" Panic began to rise in his gut, what was Jim doing? Yeah of course Bones had longed for his younger friend but Jim was a ladies man through and through. And yet he leaned into the younger man's touch, not finding the mental strength to push him away.

"You really scared me Bones, with the cancer I mean. I know that in this day and age that it's hardly a big deal but… But we're not as young as we use to be are we?" Truer words had never been spoken, it the span of 3 months Leonard had looked as if he'd aged 3 years and when Bones truly took at look at his captain he saw almost his mirror image. Sunken eyes, pale skin, and weight loss. If it weren't for the captain's full head of honey blonde hair they'd look just about like brothers. The pad of his thumb lightly skims the full bottom lips of the older man. "What would I do if I ever lost you Bones?" Maybe Bones was mistaken but he could have sworn he saw the wetness of Jim's unshed tears behind his eyes. His captain never cried, sure he drank himself into oblivion or punch the bag around a little when he was upset but he never cried. "I've wasted three years of my life afraid of being with you, afraid of what everyone else would think." He exhales a shaky breath. "I love you." His voiced laced with the tears the finally made the way down his tanned cheeks. Not wanting to waste anymore time he pulls McCoy toward him, smashing their lips together.


	2. Chapter 2

Monitors beeping, always beeping. Following the gentle rhythm of his lovers heart. Partly soothing him; letting him know the object of his affection was still alive, partly unnerving. He was never suppose to be in this situation, to watch the man in front of him die. If it were an option he would be in that bed, tubes in his arms, condition dropping slowly but surely. The events of the day before flash through his mind. He could have prevented this, he could have saved him but now, now it's too late and he'll be forced to live out the rest of his miserable existence alone.

xxx

"Captain, We're receiving a transmission from a federation ship, it appears to be a distress call."

"Patch it through Lieutenant." James Kirk wore a heavy expression when the radio transmission crackled to life and nothing but utter chaos and destruction echoed over the comm. "This is Captain James Kirk of the USS Enterprise, we are willing to offer assistance. Please state your current status and location. I repeat, please state your status and location." An unbearable silence loomed over the bridge. Nothing. Jim opened his mouth to repeat his transmission when bursts of blood curling screams filtered through the comm. unit.

Time seemed to temporarily stop, no one made so much as a sound. The crew inadvertently seeked comfort from one another: Uhura inched minutely closer to her Vulcan lover, and Chekov cast his eyes in desperation toward Sulu who instinctively reached for the Russians hand, squeezing half to comfort the younger man and half to ensure to himself that Pavel was there next to him and not one of the tortured souls on the unidentified ship.

If asked no one would have been able to explain the almost universal need for comfort from another, this was not their first distress call nor would it be their last. Maybe it was a bout of simultaneous ESP or a good true gut instinct that told them all tragedy was on the horizon. Whatever the reason is unimportant, the outcome of the day will never change.

Xxx

A course of action was immediately established: find the distressed ship, beam aboard and assess the situation. Only one hitch in the plan, Bones was the only medical officer available.

"NO!" Bones had entered the bridge minute the ship had reached the distress call. He hand spent his first few minutes on deck voicing in on what course of action was to be taken. However the conversation had taken a sharp turn when the Chief Medical Officer insisted on being a part of the rescue crew.

"Damn it Jim! I'm the only available doctor, people need medical attention. Do you suggest I let the die?" It was a good point, as CMO it was his duty and his relief was currently in a hospital bed himself with a nasty viral bug.

"Of course not. But I will not allow you to beam aboard the ship. You're recovering from cancer for christ sake!."

"No, I'm recovering from chemo Jim, there's a difference."

"A piss poor difference. Your not leaving this ship."

"That an order, Sir?" The challenge in his voice was evident, Jim had never held his power off the older man. He had never had to. Chekov and Sulu exchanged a nervous glance, they did not see this ending well.

"You're damn right that's an order." The bridge crew physically tensed awaiting the explosion from the cranky demeanored doc. The calmness that follow in his voice was enough to get an audible gasp from more than one crew member.

"What are you so afraid of? You think I'll get hurt? Look at me Jim, I'm already hurt." his voiced laced with so much emotion that it cut straight through Jim's chest.

"That's why you can't go." it took all he had in him to keep his voice from shaking.

"No, that's why I have to go."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" rage brewed in the bit of his stomach.

"I'm sick of being treated like a fragile child, I'm a grown man! You think I don't see the look on your face when I try to get out of bed in the morning or lose my breath waking across the bridge?" he was just about screaming but he couldn't bring himself to care. "Half the time you're afraid to touch me for fear of hurting me." The eyes of crew members widen in utter shock. Bones and Kirk? A couple? Sure everyone knew Sulu and Chekov were an item from the start, but the Captain and CMO? He lowers his voice to a whisper. "I'm sick Jim, I get that, I really do but I'm not gonna get better sitting around on my ass. It'll kill me."

"No" The stubborn fool.

"Do you love me?" The question came out of left field and set Jim back a step.

"Bones"

"_Do you love me?" His eyes pleaded for Jim's answer. _

"_Yes." he whispered. _

"_Then I'm going." And just like that it was settled. Bones, the man who no longer only had his bones but also a lover in the form of his Captain, James T. Kirk, was planning on beaming on board a captured ship to prove he had bigger balls that death himself. _


	3. Chapter 3

A thick silence loomed over the crew as the preparations were made. After a little bit of work Chekov and Spock, working as one, were able to locate the ailing ship. Relations were tense on the Bones and Jim front, the two had barely spoken since the explosive confrontation on the bridge where a flawed decision was made. Send a sick man onboard to aid sick people. Freaking brilliant. Jim was still mentally kicking himself for his weakness, for giving into Bones' desperate pleas to once again feel useful. In fact Jim had taken every measure in avoiding his ill lover. Pathetic and petty, but in Jim's eyes justified.

Four were to beam aboard: himself, Bones (much to everyone's disapproval), Spock and Sulu. The heart of the ship. The ones who, if they were unlucky enough to fall in the course of the rescue would devastate the crew to an unimaginable extent. Each and ever member of the bridge had a stake in the rescue mission, Uhura and Chekov would suffer catastrophic loses if either of their lovers did not return safely home and into their embraces once again.

A small congregation had formed in the transport room. Worry thick in the air as goodbyes were said. Chekov and Sulu had moved to the farthest corner of the cramped room in an attempt to gain privacy. The older Asian stood with the young Russian wrapped around him like a coat. He ran his hands in a circular motion up and down Pavel's back as he whispered what he hoped were soothing words. Sulu pulls away, gazing in the tear filled eyes. This mission was different, they all felt it.

"I'll be back." It was a statement, there was no doubt in his voice. He would do everything in his power to return home. Hikaru would never leave his young love alone in this world to fend for himself. It was once said that 'dying was easy, living, living is hard.' But Hikaru know who ever uttered this phrase had never felt the way about someone that he did for the ensign. Dying would be hard, to know he would never again look into Chekov's eyes and see unending devotion. Living, living has never been easier.

With the eyes of his captain and colleagues on him, he pull Pavel in for an earth-shattering kiss. He was no longer afraid, afraid that he would not be coming home. Afraid that his relationship with a man was unacceptable to his parents, his friends, and his culture. The only thing that would bring him fear would be leaving the Russian angel in front of him, who had accepted him for everything he was and wasn't.

"I don't think we can top that." Nyota turned smiling warmly toward Spock. Their intimacy had rarely been publicly displayed. And now would be no different.

"I believe it would be illogical to try." Her heart clenched. She sacrified a lot in choosing a Vulcan partner. She missed simply having someone hold her hand or offer her a goofy grin. Neither of which she received from the first officer. But the heart wants what the heart wants. But what about Spock's heart? What is it the his wanted? Companionship? Stimulating conversation? Did he really love her? Was he capable of such a strong emotion in reference to her?

He leans toward her and extends his fingers in a brief Vulcan kiss before returning his hands to the usual position behind his back and pivoting away from her and taking his position on the pad. Waiting patiently for his fellow members of the away team.

Looking around at his loyal crew, Jim felt pride and an eerie sense of impending doom. The question of who would return hung in the air. Would he be able to keep them safe, one person coming to mind more than the others? Bones stood merely 6 feet from him but for all the cold air between them it could have been 6 miles. Little by little the captain inches closer to the CMO, slipping his fingers between the sick man's and giving a tight squeeze to the doctor's clammy hand.

"You ready?" His shaky voice betrayed this calm and cool façade.


End file.
